My Perfectly Good Heart

BB ALEC

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Perya.

Pumunta kami ng perya kanina.

Perya. Yung may ferris wheel, caterpillar, color game, hagis piso, target shooting? HAHA.

Ang saya. :) Piyesta kasi dito samin sa June 4. Pero di naman kami naghahanda. xD Sinabi ko lang kase yun yung dahilan ng perya. haha. Kasama ko si Bea, Francia at Xuxa.

Una, kumain kami ng issaaaaw :3 HAHAHA. Tapos sumakay na kami ng caterpillar. Sakto pa na number 11 yung nasakyan namin ni Xuxa :”>

Tapos naglaro kami ng hagis piso. xD wala namang nangyari HAHAHA. Tapos ayun na. First time ko sumakay ng Ferris Wheel nang hindi nagsusuka :> hooray! Pero nasusuka pa din ako xD hindi lang natuloy. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Tapos ayun nag target shooting(?) na kami :P may 7 na baboy akong napatalsik out of 10 na bullets! hoooooooray! 7/10 :>

Ang saya lang :P

Cancer

I am Candace Cerofina. Cancer, that’s how everyone calls me.  I live in a small village in Lipa, Batangas. I stay with my family: my dad and my baby brother. My mom? She is no longer with us. I killed her.

            My mother hates me. She always calls me ugly and always says nasty things to me. She curses me and I hate it when she does it. Ever since, I never felt that she loved me. I never felt that she cared for me. All I want is to feel her embrace.

My dad is not my real dad but he loves me like his own daughter. He explained to me that my mom was raped and I became her baby. I don’t know who or where my true father is. I hate him for what he did to my mom. My dad hates him too.

On my 6^th birthday, we celebrated. We never celebrated my birthday with mom before. It was just always me and daddy. I felt happy. But when I knew that we celebrated not because it is my birthday but because mom said that she is going to have a baby, I felt very bad. She said she is going to have a baby, she did not say she is going to have a baby again. But I didn’t mind. I never saw her that happy before.  I love her curvy smile. Plus, I never had the chance to celebrate my birthday with her ever. I will treasure that day forever.

“Nine months,” dad said, “and you will be able to see you baby brother.” he added.

Those nine months were very happy months. My mom hardly noticed me because she is too busy shopping clothes and stuffs for my baby brother. I was excited to see him. I promised to be a good sister to him. I searched for some toys from my things which I can give to him so that we can play together. I looked forward to his arrival. “Oh baby brother, please hurry up!” I said quietly while looking for the things I can give to him.

On the fifteenth of August, my dad rushed my mother to the hospital. It was very early. It was still very dark that time. Dad said mom was about to give birth to my baby brother. I heard they are about to call him Bryan. Bryan is a nice name, I thought. I was left in the house, alone. There was no food left neither in the dining table nor in the refrigerator. I was really very hungry. I heard my tummy growl. Dad came back late in the afternoon. He apologized for leaving me alone. He said he was startled and he does not know what to do when mom called for him. I just smiled at him and helped him pack-up some clothes. After finishing off, we went back to the hospital where mom stayed. She was still asleep when we got back. We left her in a while to eat at the hospital’s cafeteria. It took mom two days to recover. After two days, we went home, now, with my baby brother, Bryan.

Although his cries irritates me so much back then and the very little attention mom has given me was taken away by him, I loved my baby brother and I always will. But my mom does not allow me to neither play with him nor to go near him. I hated her for that.

One night, my mother’s scream woke me up. She screamed in pain while holding her lower stomach. I went outside my room to check her out. I found her kneeling in pain near the kitchen. But as I go nearer to her, she shouted, “Go back to your room! I don’t need you!” and she wept to the floor as she cried in pain. My dad rushed to her to give her medicines. I went back to my room, crying. I cried not because she shouted at me but because she was hurting. I can still see the pain in her eyes. Her scream of agony, I still hear. I cried myself to sleep.

Months passed. I noticed that my mom is getting thinner and thinner, the same happens to her hair. She already stopped breastfeeding Bryan. Mom and dad visited the hospital more often. Dad now does the cooking. He usually comes home early from work to cook dinner and cooks more food for breakfast than usual. He said it’s good up to lunch because mom can’t cook anymore and he will go to his office for work. He smiled to me as he spoke. His smiles inspire me, it erases the hate and hurt that mom has put to my heart.

One afternoon, a friend visited my mother. I secretly listened to their conversation. Mom was surprised to see her, she called her Elaine. It looked like they have not seen each other for so many years. Auntie Elaine said “Cancer, cancer. How I wish it never existed.” I was in shock when I heard those words. It hurts to hear that someone wishes for me not to exist. I closed my bedroom’s door and forced myself to sleep.

Seven months passed after my mom gave birth to Bryan in that hospital. There she was again, in that very same room in that hospital. I never heard of them talking about another baby brother or sister. Is mother sick? I think so. With her skin so pale and her thinning hair, someone can hardly recognize that it was her. This time, she stayed in the hospital longer than before. I wondered what took her so long that dad needed to hire a nanny to take care of Bryan and me.

After a long time in the hospital, mom finally got home. I made her a card but she did not even glance at it. It fell on the floor, but dad took it right after it fell. Daddy laid her in their bed at the master’s bedroom for her to be able to have ample amount of sleep and rest. Dad said she needed to recover. She does not look like mom anymore.

December 13^th, dad said mom gave up. “She isn’t here anymore.” he added. I wonder where she went. It was one day before my 8^th birthday. It’s me again and my daddy but now with Bryan. The telephone rang almost the whole day. I thought those phone calls were advanced birthday greetings for me. Every time dad picks up the phone, he says my name, “Cancer.” I became curious why every time he says my name a tear fall out of his eyes. Oh daddy, please don’t cry. I miss your smiles.

Many people came to our house on my 8^th birthday. I was so excited. I wore my favorite dress. I was surprised that so many people knew that it was my birthday. It’s just strange that they don’t look happy. Most of them wore black. If not, it’s white. Dad called my name. He was at the living room that time and said that mom was there. I ran out of my room as quick as I can to welcome her back. I don’t know where she went when she was gone.

“Mom?” I said in a soft voice. There are so many people in our living room. I wonder where mom is. I want to hug her. I want to say sorry for hating her just because she hates me. Dad lifted me and we went near the rectangular white bed where mom was sleeping. I can’t hug her. Her new bed is sealed. I wonder how she breathes. Maybe there is an oxygen supply in there just like in the hospital. I remember what the nurse told me before, “Be careful with this chord, this supplies oxygen to your mommy.”

I sat near her new bed, waiting for her to wake up. Her sleep was so sound that even many people were chattering she seems undisturbed. I was eating a cookie which dad gave me when I heard someone said “Cancer was the cause of her death.” “Poor Lily, cancer killed her.” added another person whom I hardly know.

“I did not kill my mom!” I exclaimed. “I love her!” The nanny carried me away from mother’s new bed and sent me to my room as my dad ordered her. “Mom! Mom! Wake up!” I cried.

I never saw my mom again. Cancer killed my mother. I am Candace Cerofina, they call me Cancer.